Apr 1, 2015
I've been thinking about a girl I went to school with for quite some time now.I don't mean a few hours,a few days, or even a few months, I mean maybe a little under 17 years.
Her name was Jessica.She was overweight,she had confidence issues, and I was a bully--at least at first.
When I was in grade school , I had a habit of running my mouth.I could break someone into a few pieces with all of a sentence, so no one really messed with me. I had friends, people that liked my art, or my jokes (when they weren't in the line of fire), but I really can't remember much conflict. Everyone knew not to mess with Larry.
We went to a Catholic school, and we were all raised together.Kindergarten through Eighth grade, you grew up with the same people.You knew their families, you could recall anyone's favorite Ninja Turtle or My Little Pony lunchpail without a second thought.
Jessica came late in the game for us.Maybe sixth or seventh grade.She was really nice to be honest, but she didn't know how to manuever around my style of comedy like everyone else,so often she landed in front of it.
I remember she was contemplating suicide, and we thought it was a joke, but indeed she did entertain the idea of killing herself.I think it was with a plastic knife, but still, for an adolescent, that's some serious business.
When I graduated we parted ways as per usual. I went to a Catholic High School, just to turn around and leave after I realized I couldn't walk home and that I really didn't want to play football ( I was stocky, so coaches were always telling me to come out to the field in attempts to sway)-- they'd even use food-but it just really didn't work.
Skipping school,playing games,phreaking(you might have to Google that one),and making weird programs with NT kernels was more my speed.For all intents,I was a loner.
Whenever I was making stuff or doing things creative, Jessica always came to mind.I wondered if she was okay, I thought I was a bit harsh with her because the first thing that came up anytime I saw ANYONE I went to school with was something about food,a joke,a fight, or a videogame, but the thing that came up most was the roast(s).I could mess someone up if provoked,and everyone had a story about 1-2 of them, Jessica being the most prominent.
I remember wondering if the words lingered,if they burned or scarred her, I had chilled out a bit and really wanted people to understand that I made jokes to make people laugh and to feel something, but sometimes the message was muddled, and other times, I just overdid it.
When I ran into Jessica, the first thing she said to my company was, "Do you know this guy!??! He was so mean to me!!" there was a brief pause and then she smiled.I won't forget that.
Jessica and I became friend in my early 20's,and she never brought that instance up again,but the one time made it clear I had left a mark.
She also confessed that when we first met, she didn't fit in anywhere, though she wanted to and that even though I was "a jerk" ,she just thought I was "so cool and funny".I was surprised by that.
She explained that I made her days better and that I should share more of my good because "you never know the effect it can have on people".
She died of cancer maybe a year later.The morning of,her partner called me....and said, "you were all she talked about sometimes" .It was tsomething that made me realize that there's good in everything, depending on how you look at the world and how you wield your energy.
I do a lot of what we do from the perspective of someone who may not have brightness in their life, or may have trouble finding a smile.I think that's why I try to help people and also to smile even when I don't always feel like it.
There have been times that I've had to deal with less than savory people , and the low road is really easy to take, but if you want to make something great and you want to inspire people--to have stories you can tell your friends,and their friends,and fans, and WHOEVER....you have to avoid being vile.
That's been a lot of my compass, and one of the things that lingers in [and even started] the brand : share your light.
So, when I'm having trouble or I don't know what to do, I usually think of Jessica.
With that said, she's been on my mind a lot lately. -h_h-
Try Hard, Never Settle, Stay Hungry. -h_h-
