May 21, 2013
I've never been good with tact or disguising my words...so I had to think about this post for a while before I put it up.I don't know how to say what I would like to without this sentence: My heart is broken.I have been taking a few months to contemplate the direction the brand is going.The dealings I've mentioned in earlier post, they've been tough.The people,the emails, the letdowns,they seem unrelenting at times.In other words, the struggle is real.
My mother has been in a hospital for about a week and some change.She has been worrying about me.The late night sticker runs,road trips alone, sleeping in cars,she doesn't mention them.She never has, but her face has,and her body has.This is her second stroke.If you're not familiar with what a stroke is, it's when a part of your brain dies from lack of oxygen.Some people die from them,some go blind, others are paralyzed,and there is always the risk of another,especially if you don't take care.
I have never been able to touch people close to me.I have lost many a relation while striving to convince the world that they have the possibilty to change.There are hardships that we all endure as humans,and mine is not unique, but the pain is.It is impossibly demoralizing to want things for people and see them hit walls that you can't derail them from hitting.Whether it's kids I talk to about matchups and fundamentals that don't listen or more intimate conversations involving lifestyles,habits,even goals.Sometimes,you just can't help;people have to do it for themselves.
Having said that, I have been hitting a lot of walls while doing my darndest to avoid them.My mother has always taken her eyes away from her own well-being and focused them on me.She never scoffed at time spent studying toy packaging, or the endless nights of banging buttons learning Bison CC's ,reflies, roll cancels (yea,I'm old..so?).She just kind of let me fly around and do what I will with the hope that I would find my own light.Her goals and hunger,for lack of a better word,lie in me pursuing my own goals,we share a dream.
If you've ever seen my temper,you would know it's a radical departure from the character I normally exude.For the most part, I'm a happy go lucky guy and like to make people laugh while eating stuff..possibly helping out where I can.But I have two distinct trigger that destroy me to no end and make the worst person become real for a moment in me.They are : Injustice, and Confusion.
Right now, I am at a point, where I question what fair is.They world is not built on fairness and you would be best to disregard the concept while pursuing your goals.But it can be hard.It is not fair that someone that you care for so much is at a crossroads and you cannot help them.They have to save their own life.It is confusing to see someone in this state and never be able to make them or the people you care about most listen.It gives me rage to feel this way and to visit hospitals,familar walls providing both a shelter and a sort of captivity simultaneoulsy,become a place of uncertainty that you must frequent to function.These things can drive a person mad...if you let them.
That being said, I want you guys to know, I am struggling.I used to not share struggles.I thought they were too much for the fans and a bit distracting from the brand.However, I would like you to know, that for all the talk I give you.I live it as well.We all struggle for what we want.And this will be one of MANY hardships I foresee having to endure in pursuit of my goals.For all the sacrifice it has taken to get this far, there will be more...because I want more,and I will not settle for less.
So, with all of this ramble.There is something brooding from this.And I will need your help.It may be a little, it may be a lot depending on how you look at it.But,there is something I would like to make of this.It's kind of a special project, but I'm sure I will not be able to do it alone.Right now, it's just in my head, but I think if I can pull this off, it will be a big deal.No extra words beyond that yet.
As for the rest of the time, just keep doing what you guys do by reading articles,buying shirts,and stickers,pursuing your goals and spreading the word.But,be ready...like I said, I will need you...all of you.Otherwise,it won't work.Hope the rest of you are well. Much love and stay hungry until then. -h_h-
